April 2nd, 2009

Bread Whiner

Posted by ryohie at 03:08 AM on April 2, 2009.

At some point in our lives, well as a filipino. Some of us or most of us must be a bread winner. Sa hirap ba naman ng buhay dito diba? We need to at least look back and help the people who raised us with unconditional love and support.

Serious? Yes. I am a bread winner, you must be too. Mahirap diba? Lalong mahirap pag malayo ka sa pamilya mo, magkasakit ka man..self service. Ni wala ka man lang magluluto sayo or bumuli ng gamot. Pagdown ka, wala ka makausap..well some friends they do but sometimes iba yung galing sa family mo...

Mahirap lang kami, there was I point that every night I would wake up to a loud cry of hunger. I just endured...kelan kaya titigil to. When that happens, I think of doughnuts, lush cream caramels, mouth watering ice cream sorbet and some sugary stuff..that would ease the hunger..at least on my mind.

There were high hopes when my eldest brother graduated, we were relieved. But behind that blinding hope was utter despair...all I could ask God is..WHY? My brother left us with Nothingness, vast void questions unanswered. I didn't cried, not that I remembered..I reckon that day I created my happy mask..I used that to show him that we didn't needed him...deceiving but empty.

I worked my way to get a job at the best of my abilities. I wanted to show my brother that with this little arms, this frail body, this scarred heart! that I can raise my...our family out of this misery. Yes, ikaw ang rason sa entry na to...I can never face you to tell all of these things and yes very cowardly of me...but this is just my outlet of misery.

My dear brother...wala naman akong gustong ibang hingin sayo, you never heard me asked a favor from you ever...not in my entire life..not even them. All I ask is for you to look back...look back on us. We are just trailing behind you, di mo ba kami makita? Nakatingala ka lang ba para sa sarili mo?

I know you will never wake up from that bliss nor even read this entry. But I am just furious about what you have said to me today..all I wanted was to ask for some help. I can never raise them alone...my happy mask is wearing out...my body is about to give up, the walls I build is ready to crumble....

Sorry guys ha, its my rant post again. My manoy (thats what i call him) is not really that bad, due to circumstances lang siguro. Nagusap kami kanina, he told me something that made me really angry, all I did was asked for help..is it really to much? yeah..bread whiner I am *happy face turned on*

Currently watching: Tears on my keyboard
Currently feeling: depressed

10 Pahapyaw